The Apprentice

Active Listening

From

The Complete Secrets of Happy Children
by Steve Bidduluph

This then is active listening. In such cases parents are far from silent: they are interested, and show it by confirming their child's feelings and thoughts and by helping the child to think it through.

Using this approach:


* parents rarely give remedies or attempt to rescue..... - unless this is clearly necessary;


* they rarely advise..... - unless the child really needs information;


* they rarely distract the child from the problem..... - unless the child is a chronic whinger!

.........

Many parents have found active listening a great relief. They don't have to keep their child forever happy and they don't have to solve the child's problems for him. With active listening they can help the child, while leaving the responsibility, and pleasure, of a solution to the child. The trick is to ask yourself, 'Could my child benefit, in the long run, from solving this problem himself?' You can offer time, clarity and understanding so that a problem can be turned into a learning experience.

Sometimes parents must intervene...... become involved and defend their children's rights because children are powerless to defend themselves. In some cases, kids do NOT want our help - just our support. To get involved would be the wrong thing....

'Just listening' is a powerful medicine. If we can hold back from putting instant band-aids on every hurt, we can enter the deeper world of our children.


Sound advice I'm trying to remember :)

Grumble, Grumble

My big boy has been a little not himself this week.

Lovely as a Peach to myself and Dadda, guests and friends But.......

not to Little Kangaroo :(

Kookaburra has had a lot to say to Kangaroo this week, not too nicely either. He has also barely played with Kangaroo, often brushing him off and preferring the solitude of the hammock looking out into the garden or crouched over his Lego. I've dwelt on this little, well actually I'll be truthful, huge problem for a few days and I'm certain that the source of sourness may be very simple.

Its not a huge leap to figure that all it may be is my Kookaburra and I need to make contact more frequently. A hand on his shoulder, a ruff of his thick mane, a tight squeeze to tell him how much I Love Him and the slow tickle on his back to tell him he's worth my time.

As babes I suckled them and met our our Little People eye to eye. As Toddlers, they graced my knees and we rubbed noses frequently followed by secret whisperings and of course I told them constantly how gorgeous they were and how we Love, Love, Loved them. Our delicious toddlers have grown to be chubby preschoolers and this is where I think I see the divide.

In our family, while Kookaburra sits on the other side of our kitchen table with his lesson work spread around him, preschooler Kangaroo sits upon my knee to learn his letters and numbers. During the day Little Kangaroo will be the one curled up in my lap for story time. Whilst all this attention is being lavished upon the baby of the family, definitely not quite as much is happening for my big boy who lately may not be enjoying being quite so big.

Not only is he not receiving the same level of physical contact as given to Kangaroo, but he has further salt in his wounds. Kookaburra has chores which are a lot comparatively to Kangaroo, but of course he is older so therefor he should. Kookaburra is more likely to have a reprimand or harsh words from myself than his baby brother will. Kookaburra is older and has more Lesson Work, Chores to complete and other responsibilities and expectations that we're unconscious of. I'm sure he feels this difference between himself and his brother heavily. Even though he is older, Kookaburra is still only little and would see himself as being equal to Kangaroo and feel these differences as being unfair even if he understands it logically.

I'm sure I remember being upset by similar circumstances when I was the Older Kid in the Family.

So this is the problem.....

Kookaburra needs more gentle and tender, heartfelt and loving, genuine physical contact......

I need to heal the divide between Kookaburra and Kangaroo and unite them in their brotherhood and friendship.......

Too Easy :D

It isn't hard around here to find time for a cuddle and a chat.

As for healing that divide....

That was the reason for our trip to the Beach today!

They look so Happy :D

A shared experience.

So much fun and laughter.

Keeping them united in brotherhood and friendship will take more than one afternoon at the beach. This is going to take many, many afternoons of play. Beach, park , bush and at home. More often with me than I have been too! Reading with them both in my lap. Singing on both their beds at night. Spontaneous and Frequent cuddles. More present, active listening on my part. I need to keep to the forefront of my mind that it's how we spend our family time and the quality of our family's relationships that's going to make the real difference in our boys lives.

'Feed Us!', They Cry.

Some nights making dinner is like extracting a tooth.

I don't want to do it and even if it's fast, it still feels pretty painful. Throw in the vegetarian complication of trying to eat meals that satisfy without tasting completely strange, after all our tastes have been trained a certain way, it all feels a bit too much. So I threw a plea out to Mr E this arvo to please hunt and gather my favourite chocolate (mmmmm..... Greens & Black Organic Dark Chocolate - Maya Gold ,thanks Babe) to help fortify poor little me :P for my mini ordeal of meal preparation. Tonight's recipe is so easy it's kind of a crime to complain and it's a great one to have as its mostly healthy. I haven't yet mentioned that for our family of four, it will feed us for at least two or three meals with usually leftovers for Mr E's lunch. So this is how it goes:

Tortellini with Ricotta and Roast Vegetables in Pasta Sauce

* 630g bag of Tortellini with Ricotta and Roast Vegetables

* Jensens Organic Pasta Sauce Basil & Garlic 500g x 2

* 800g tinned crushed tomatoes

* 1 medium onion, finely diced

* 2 small zucchinis, finely grated

* approx 350g mushrooms, sliced

* 3 celery sticks, finely diced

* 200g baby spinach, washed

:) In one big pot fry diced onion with a splash of olive oil until it changes colour.

:) Add the zucchini, and wait until its cooked. Be sure to stir so it doesn't stick to the bottom.

:) Add Mushrooms and once they've cooked through add the diced celery.

:) Once its all cooked up, pour in the crushed tomatoes and pasta sauce. Bring to the boil and then turn it down to a simmer and let the pasta sauce reduce its liquid whilst you're putting on a big pot full of water to get ready for the pasta. Very near the end when the pasta is nearly ready, turn off the heat to the pasta sauce and add the spinach leaves which will curl up with the heat. Stir in.

:) Follow the instructions on the pasta and when cooked combine the pasta and pasta sauce ready to serve with a little Parmesan sprinkled on top.

:) Voila! One mostly healthy, fairly easy, filling and tasty, vegetarian meal. Not ingenious but fills the belly's of my little family with loads extra to spare!

Bookworm :)

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Changes!!!

There's something a movin' within us here at Iri'ni! Our Family is always changing and growing but mostly, because we're from the inside looking out, we don't tend to notice. We just know. But occasionally there are the big changes that happen, which make me sit back and want to yell Hallelujah!!! to this awesome gift of being able to Homeschool and have my boys with me as much as I want!!! Because even though it is tough at times and can be hard to just get on with it and face the challenges, I don't think I'm ever going to want to miss a thing.

Kookaburra has decided he does Not want to have his hair cut but he's been told by his new swim teacher that his hair has to be out of his eyes during lessons so therefor his solution is...

Braids!!!!

I'm so excited for him!

Even if after the TWO hours it took to plait he decides he wants them undone at bedtime, I won't care :D Anybody who knows Kookaburra personally will associate characteristics such as quite, introspective, sensitive, extremely cautious and very reserved with him, so putting his hair into Braids is right outside his comfort zone. To be honest, now that it's done, he did have a few hours of being Blue and not being exactly able to identify why. But, Her Royal Highness here, thinks it was two things. He looks really different and definitely because Princess Calamity did kinda call him a 'girl' and say he looked 'cute'. Hmmmm..... Kookaburra reckons that wasn't it at the time, but after a few hours he did come to me with the tightest hug and say that even if people say stuff like that, he doesn't care because he'll do what he wants! Awesome! Little Man :D So proud of him.

The other Big Change is the loss of Kangaroo's first Toothy Peg! Such a momentous occasion. Probably one of the last tell tale signs of transitioning from babyhood to true childhood. He'll always be my sweet baby though, even when he's so old he's a Gummy Bear Granddad.

Changes going on for Mr E and I are of a different nature. We watched Food Inc. last night and it has really impacted the way we view the Food Industry. Our personal solution is to reduce our meat intake to once or twice a week and for it to be organic produce only. Being vegetarian is enjoyable and we've played with it in the past but it soon becomes a little harder to put meals on the table that we know our boys will enjoy without returning to our more meat centered fare. I think increasingly we're learning as a family just why it's so important to be as self-sufficient and self-reliant as possible and are following through with Positive Changes to support our conclusions. So, even though we're only in Little House for a few more months, (until we move on out to Iri'ni - five acres of blissful hard work, Oi!) I've thrown caution to the wind and have bought loads of seeds and have dug the garden over with my little peoples help. Over the weekend we planted out Rockmelon, Butternut Pumpkin and a Great, Big Ole Strawberry Patch. The next few days we'll be planting seeds furiously to make up for lost time. We're well advanced into Spring here in Oz.

Great Changes happening here. Good and Positive and definite Growth all round.

Psst..... When I whinge next, point me back here hey!

It's My Birthday Baby :D

I'm a funny girl. Funny Ha Ha or Funny Loopy you may be asking? Well depends what day it is :P But I have a point. In the past I've always looked forward to my birthday but when I get to the Actual Day I suffer from the doldrums or is it that I possibly indulge in the Miseries! I'm not exactly sure why. My life is great and I love my family and nothing is wrong but I fear that I just might be of the Human Race. One of Those odd creatures , who on their Birthday foolishly waste a Tremendous Day reflecting on the new lines appearing on her face - which are giving me so much 'character' - or the not quite achieved goals. Anyhoo! Whatever it is, the Mood is no fun for my little family and is so very disappointing for everybody, especially my Darling Husband. Nobody wants to chill with a Miss Cranky Pants on her birthday (most especially Me!). So I made sure this Birthday was different. I'm always saying we have control over our mental state if we choose :)

This birthday I turned Thirty-Three, so it was about time I grew-up and Blew those Bad Old Birthday Blues Away! And with the help of my Family, the Blues were Banished.

We slept in and had a very late breakfast of our favourite feast food - Yummy, Flaky, Fresh Crisp Croissants - and devoured them at the Town Green viewing our Little Towns Beautiful Fountain. The weather was so lovely that eventually we decided that we would trip on down to the Beach.

Whilst my Boys staked their claim (do you like their flag? :) of sand, I wandered around the little touristy shops. Apparently (he he!) Mr E 'bought' me a couple of little trinkets and a new book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. Thanks Mr E! Now that I've finished Jane Eyre, I've begun reading The Complete Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph (will let you all know if there are any overnight successes in our sometimes fractious household after reading such an ambitiously titled book :D) so Peaceful Warrior will have to wait until I've gotten through Mr Biddulphs' two hundred and seventy pages.

Kookaburra getting in Deep with his Boogie Board.

Dadda and Kangaroo enjoying the view.

Kangaroo loves to be buried at the beach. He'll happily gather sand onto his little mound for an age whilst wriggling his toes free and exclaiming that he needs more sand down there and he just can't possibly reach them himself.

Kangaroo has his first loose tooth and he constantly has his finger in his mouth testing out how soon till he finally loses it. His little toothy peg has been loose for about a month :) so I guess it'll be any time now. So wonderfully bittersweet their milestones are when transitioning from babyhood to children.

We took this Four Seater Bike for a spin. Hard Work! It was sooooo! heavy and after about three k's I was tempted to relax and let Mr E push on :D Naah! I was a good sport, and got stuck in and made it with him to the end.

What do you think? We all have days like that?!

Kangaroo was all tired out from his scootering so obviously it was time to retire to his Dada's shoulders.

Early evening we enjoyed this view at the Botanical gardens whilst we had burgers and chippee's for dinner (so healthy right?!).

Lastly, meet some of my crazy, fun family.......

The Fantastic Mr E

and Rubber Faced Brother Bear.

What's he going to say when he see's this picture up :D I can still run rather fast I think.....

According to Mumma Bear and the Kiddilies I'm only nine this year as there wasn't a fire extinguisher handy to handle THAT MANY!!!!!!! Candles.

Obviously the only way to end such an Outstanding Day is to squish my nephew Danger Mouses face into a second slice of cake. Brother Bears logic is that if he could eat it without his hands he could have it.

I have had such an Awesome start to my Thirty-Third year that I can only begin to imagine all the fun and adventures in store for me in the year ahead.