As always, it seems, I've been thinking. I want to be so much more than I am. Calm, in control, peaceful, content. I want to be happy with what I have and where I am. I want to live right here, right now and not be somewhere else in my head making enormous mental to do lists or creating discontent within myself and my family because I think the grass is greener elsewhere. That just makes my family and I miserable.
Maybe things do happen in their own good time. Maybe... there's a plan for me that I can't see.
I've begun to read Seasons of a Mother's Heart by homeschooling, Christian Mother, Sally Clarkson.
Under the heading of Celebrating Life and Thoughts on the Living Word, Christine writes;
God never assures us that the Christian life will be easy. Quite the opposite, it seems he goes out of his way to let us know it will be difficult. On the other hand, the Sciptures are filled with promises and expressions of the joy that is ours as believers. That seeming paradox is nowhere better expressed than in our Lord, "who for the joy set before him endured the cross." Christianity does not give me an easier life, but it does give me an easier way to live. It does not make me a happier person, but it gives me a reason to be joyful. The joy of the Lord - born of the hope of eternal glory - should be the mark of every true believer.
It's difficult to think I may believe in something I can't see. But as Kookaburra points out, "We can't see the wind but we know it's there because we can see what the wind does and we know that there is a God because we see His work in every non man made thing." Yep, my eight year old philosopher boy really said that. Sometimes I just know he's smarter than me :)
For now, I'm just going to keep on thinking.
For now, I'm just going to keep on thinking.
7 comments:
Dear Jane - man! can I relate to this post!! I want so much to feel deeply serene and contented with where I am, what I'm doing and who I am. Those feelings just seem to be so elusive sometimes!! I always imagine that other people are doing the same things as me, but soooo much better that I can - especially home schooling!!! Anyway, I've discovered one small way of helping myself is to count my blessings. Starting with the really obvious - I am alive!!! I am loved!!! etc. etc. Because the truth of the matter is, that no matter how I feel about myself, God loves me and actually thinks I'm pretty great! And I happen to think that you are pretty marvellous Jane!!!
Yes, Yes, Yes Helen!
Thankyou for your empathy and advice. I absolutely agree that being serene and contented feels elusive but occasionally I catch glimpses of it when I begin in the right way. A good book, or a friend, or blog to give me that push or little bit of a nudge in the direction I want to be. I'm tired of denying what I really want. Just simply to be happy.
Love JM
Amen to all of the above. :) It's funny, I've always found children to be more 'connected' to their creator and generally more at peace with themselves than grown up people! Guess we were all there once too. Just can't remember it. ;)
I remember distinctly when Saraya was 2, looking up at the moon with her and her saying clearly in her tiny voice, "God is up there Mamma. I remember before I came here ,I was up there with God." I was speechless!! They just amaze me. So nice to talk to you this morning. :) Hope you had a good day!
Saminda xo
Or..........you could become a Buddhist *runs and hides*
I believe in chinese whispers. Once all religons were the one and the same with one God but time, language opinion, politics has divided the truth.
Hmmm.........I agree with you on the creationist side of things (either that or many places came up with the same explanation to the fulfil the human need to know where on earth we came from). But I think that Buddhism, being non-creationist, is slightly different. But I wasn't being (totally) flippant-one of the main tenets of Buddhism is the search for enlightenment, which encompasses all the things you mentioned you were looking for in your post.
No I haven't become a Buddhist! I just like to read :)
he he Kel! Thanks for another viewpoint :) you are very valuable there. I actually am reading (always reading it seems but not always understanding:( 365 days to enlightenment but seem to be stuck on the "only move on when you have an insight" part!!! Frustrating, grr!
Post a Comment