Trust, Hmm...

...Vulnerable = No Can Do Compadre!

I might get hurt!

Came across this today

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

James 5:16 (NLT)

and thought 'Yep, more honesty would be good. Less of the unintentional belittlement through 'helpful' advice on how I could be doing something so much better if only I did it their way because it's so perfect :P!'.

I may be the only person to feel this and I'm going to be okay with putting it out there and may enjoy the near silence with my friends the crickets but I think that if there was more real support and less judgment and empty talk then I wouldn't feel so cautious about having real, open and honest relationships with others. I've become so protective since becoming a mother that I know I now bring a somewhat cynical, at times, attitude to my friendships.

I know!

That's so bad right?!

You don't have to tell me, I live it :S

It's an inner attitude which really frustrates me. Hmm.... I'm worried I'm not making a clear point of what I feel... I guess I'm trying to say that I have been the victim of and yep, I'll be honest, a perpetrator of, using a shared problem to gain support in a backhanded manner instead of receiving or giving the support that I or my friend needed .

What I'm getting at is if I was to share a problem with A (A is nobody by and by, but it could actually have been me :(, A would console me nicely yes but would in fact unintentionally turn the situation into something about themselves by pointing out how well they're doing with their family (children) and really I should be doing it their way because it is, The Way. So what's happening is that I'm actually supporting my friend A by making them feel great about what they're doing because if only I was doing it their way then I would get it right. Except there are no right ways, only different methods which are unique to each family. Sure we can definitely learn from each other and trust me, oh my goodness, have I! But golly gosh, gee heck, I would love to feel less judged, more supported and have a more open and trusting heart to give better exactly that. That which I dearly want and recognize that I have been fortunate to receive.

Back to 'The Way', I respect and admire differences. Ideas are what keeps our world moving forward. Could you imagine a cookie cutter world in which we were all the same. Yech! Well, only if you were like me! Bahahaha, so kidding!

The verse sounds so lovely doesn't it. We confess in all honesty that not only are we imperfect but despite that or perhaps because of it we will be loved more by our friends - when we're vulnerable, trusting, honest and real.

I'll share my pain, confusion, frustration and heartache and I will be helped into spilling my tears. Then I will be lifted up in Prayer to the one who will heal and forgive. And I know that when my friend is in need, I may not have the right words to say but I'll be needed there and I will readily give the same. I'll wrap my friend in love, I'll protect and care for them when they are in need. I will lift them in prayer and pray for their forgiveness and healing as they have done for me. I can be counted on to not judge. There will be no convoluted wording to build my self-esteem at anothers expense and I will control the nasty little voices that try to crowd out what is right and I realize that others suffer similarly.

Maybe I have the interpretation of the verse wrong but I guess I'm taking what I need from it tonight and when I next come across it, I'll learn something else again from it but tonight I know that I need to trust more, love more, pray more, be open more, be real more.

The Christmas Story

Beautiful :D

Gifted

It was a beautifully quite Christmas this year.

We don't have a chimney so we leave out a magical Santa key for our jolly visitor.

The preparations were subdued
but the excitement was definitely not.

Christmas morning we were woken extraordinarily early as expected but it was to cries of Kookaburra shouting, 'The cats going to vomit!!'. Well, Merry Christmas to you too babe :P!

Santa left one special gift, covered in 'Santa dust' as our boys called it. Hammocks! They were so pleased.

Their other gifts come from us.

Kookaburra received a beautiful wood puzzle which vexed our boy for not long enough. He has an incredible way about puzzles and building projects (lego, knex, you name it, he can almost always do it incredibly quick :).

Merry Christmas Mum!

Kookaburra crafted a nifty little treasure chest for Kangaroo with a very clever cardboard lock on it. He left it for Kangaroo to paint as he pleases.

A gift for Dad also made by Kookaburra.

Now this is the coolest! A recycled, handmade wallet with used sim cards sewn onto the front and back.

A nice traditional snakes and ladders game for Kangaroo. No shiny bells and whistles and flashing things which make a gazillion different noises. Just plain old snakes and ladders. Good fun.

Dig a dinosaur.

Finished in less than a few hours!

Hammocks have been hung and now our Natives have a new place to chill. Thanks Dadda :)

We haven't caught up with family this Christmas but we have had so many reasons to catch up during the year that although we missed them, I don't feel too guilty about enjoying how nice it was to hang out at home and have a very relaxed Christmas. Apart from our Cool Cousin Crew, all of our relatives live a few hours drive from us :( and with all this rain our highways aren't at their best so I'm very glad to be staying put at the moment.

During a yummy breakfast we read the Nativity story to keep our focus on 'the reason for the season'. Christmas night Mr E and I watched 'It's a Wonderful Life' - that is one fantastic movie. And you know, I know it sounds corny, but it sure is 'a wonderful life' :)

I hope you all had as sweet a Christmas and we wish everyone a wonderful new year filled with loads of love, joy, peace and happiness.

Introspection

Time for a closer analysis of me.

It's Sunday morning and I'm working my way through some materials on homeschooling, parenting, life and Christianity. I'm sitting at my own desk with all the materials neatly arranged just waiting for me to move forward and commit fully to what I believe. To what I might know, if I let myself. But why do I hold back? Make excuses? Put it off until later? Raise impossible barriers so I can defend myself against those who may never ask and don't really have any business asking? I'm talking about faith. My faith. What I believe.

I'm such a people pleaser that I find it hard to move forward in my life and make a commitment to a belief system. It frightens me. What will my husband think? I know he's supportive to the utmost and possibly ridiculously so. Mr E always encourages and never belittles what I'm thinking about. He always listens and rarely if ever casts a judgment. Of course it is important to me and my marriage about what I believe and how that affects our family unit and also what I may come to expect from my beautiful husband but that doesn't necessarily make me the people pleaser I claim to be.

My values are like the leaves blowing in the wind. My closest girl friends are either non-believers or have a view of the universe that is radically different from my own. But I can always see their point. I can validate easily how they have come to their conclusions for themselves but when it comes to myself what do I have? Not that strength. Words fail me and my thoughts are incoherent, much less explainable and defensible. But I guess that's the key, defense. Why do I feel the need to defend myself with family, friends and acquaintances? Why do I need to feel validated by anothers' approval? It's ridiculous and crazy and makes me want to scream! Who am I? I have to identify myself through my own value system not someone else's which I can only sum up through their words and actions.

I'm also more afraid of something else.

If I believe in God and in Christ I know I'm not worthy. I know I can't live by all the 'rules'. I know I'll break them because I am weak. I am not virtuous. I have a mind that thinks what it will and I battle with myself and often lose.

So, I turn to prayer.

I've always told myself that I'll make a decision regarding my spirituality when I know enough. Bit of a cop out though isn't it. When would I truly know enough.

There are women in my life who are beautiful examples of Christian womanhood. When I am troubled, confused or want support it is with them I will find my strength.

And my husband.

And I will keep praying, continuously :)

(a small disclaimer - my blog is for my thoughts and never will I claim to be clear, concise and make any sense. But I value this space. I have somewhere to come and write about how I'm feeling. It aids me in clarity and I hope that it's understandable but if not, that's okay. Because already I feel my fear ease a little through 'talking' about it. Thanks for hanging out with me this morning and reading my ramble :D)

Belief

I'm finding that as I scratch the surface of history, the similarities in myths and legends from varying cultures and time periods definitely support one God, but the thing is... Who 's right? Or are they all versions of one truth. Chinese whispers? I've had this on my heart for a while....




















"What is a Unitarian?

This is a very perplexing question."What" may not be the proper question and but "who."

A Unitarian may be a person from any nation or race.

He or she is a person with great cares and concerns.They are people who care about and strive for the good of man.

A Unitarian is a person who believes there is one God.They do not seek to place labels on the way to worship Him.

They do not seek to restrict how others may relate to Him.A Unitarian is a person who seeks to live in harmony and peace.

They recognize all of humanity as family and kin.

They seek to love and serve in anyway they can.

A Unitarian seeks to learn and grow in knowledge and wisdom.They seek out the best instruction in all the world religions.

They seek to live out the unity and principles as best they can.

A Unitarian will accept no limiting doctrine or creed imposed on them.

They listen to the still small voice that they have within.

They follow the guidance of the Spirit wherever it may lead.

A Unitarian has only two great principles to observe.

• They will love and serve the one God.
• They will love and serve their fellow man.

A Unitarian is a very rare breed in the world today.

They do not seek to control, but to serve others in their journey.

They strive to the worthy to be called Children of the One."

By Rev. Dorris -

Source:

http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?boardID=16839&discussionID=433129

This folk song by Dar Williams isn't related to the above Unitarian Statement but it does support my multi-faith tolerance and acceptance stance.

I wonder if this is fence sitting though or is it possible to be eclectic in faith.

Smile, life is eggscellant

As always, it seems, I've been thinking. I want to be so much more than I am. Calm, in control, peaceful, content. I want to be happy with what I have and where I am. I want to live right here, right now and not be somewhere else in my head making enormous mental to do lists or creating discontent within myself and my family because I think the grass is greener elsewhere. That just makes my family and I miserable.

Maybe things do happen in their own good time. Maybe... there's a plan for me that I can't see.

I've begun to read Seasons of a Mother's Heart by homeschooling, Christian Mother, Sally Clarkson.

Under the heading of Celebrating Life and Thoughts on the Living Word, Christine writes;

God never assures us that the Christian life will be easy. Quite the opposite, it seems he goes out of his way to let us know it will be difficult. On the other hand, the Sciptures are filled with promises and expressions of the joy that is ours as believers. That seeming paradox is nowhere better expressed than in our Lord, "who for the joy set before him endured the cross." Christianity does not give me an easier life, but it does give me an easier way to live. It does not make me a happier person, but it gives me a reason to be joyful. The joy of the Lord - born of the hope of eternal glory - should be the mark of every true believer.

It's difficult to think I may believe in something I can't see. But as Kookaburra points out, "We can't see the wind but we know it's there because we can see what the wind does and we know that there is a God because we see His work in every non man made thing." Yep, my eight year old philosopher boy really said that. Sometimes I just know he's smarter than me :)

For now, I'm just going to keep on thinking.

Christian or not, this should touch you